There is a notice on the door when we walk up to my brother’s home… UPS had been there and they need a signature for a package… I pull it off the door and I look on the back … it says please sign and print your name and leave the notice back where the UPS driver left it … I tell my brother those instructions… Please sign and print your name … I tell him that three times …
He gets up off the couch, goes to the table so he can read it to see what it says… I, of course, encourage this… Because he asked me one more time what it says… I told him to read it for himself… I was done spoon feeding it to him …
He goes to sign it and then he says “What about the date? Am I supposed to date it?” I ask him “What does it say? I already told you three times what it says…”
He said “You left out about dating it“ … I asked him if it said anywhere there that it had to be dated… It does not … he got mad because he said I left out that part… I told him I didn’t mention it because it was not there … it’s not that I left it out, it’s not part of the instructions, so why would I mention it?!
This is how his brain works … it makes shit up and then blames other people … he complicates everything …
I know I did this for a long time in my alcoholism … it is so hard to watch, hear & be around … it is heartbreaking actually, because I don’t even want to be around it … and yet if I walked away, he would be totally screwed … yet that is an option … some days I think about it more than others …
Just for today, I’m staying … just taking it one day at a time… That’s the only way I can bear it … it makes me crazier than I already am …
As I was driving home there was a Christian song on the radio saying that God will turn it around… that He is up to something … right now… He is up to something…
I was like… OK… Whatever… If you say so … because right now… I am so over it all … so if God doesn’t turn it around, then I’m screwed … I’ll trust in God… One more day… One more day at a time …