My Brother is Severely Mentally Ill

My brother is on a self proclaimed “bender” at the moment… which means he’s gone off his med and is running wild… He was hospitalized for two months but they released him prematurely and he just wrecked havoc on himself and Vegas for the last three days …

 

He is delusional and manic and I seem to have to try to convince the medical profession that he is not well… Now that’s insane!!

 

He’s left me about 100 voicemails … 105 to be exact since September 12 … in these voicemail he rants about his delusions… Sometimes he cusses me out… Sometimes he begs for forgiveness … 

 

I have included the inspirational quote of the day in the photo section… It spoke to me because I feel like a lot of people question me and my decisions of taking care of my brother and my own mental health concerns that results from his care … But they have not lived with his mental illness for 35 years or have been on the firing line as an advocate in the trenches of the institutions, caseworkers, social workers, doctors, nurses, caretakers, Randos like the prostitutes, homeless people and drug dealers he brings home because he likes to socialize with people and try to “help” them … and so much more …

 

Lots of bricks being thrown at me in the form of “ have you thought of blah blah blah to help with your mentally ill brother…” or “ you just need to pray more … show up more spiritually fit” or endless questions just to satisfy their curiosity … many think they’re trying to help but it just wears me out further …

 

I have been beside myself, heart broken, throughout the years watching my brother spiral downwards, out of control, into his place of hell … People try to help by saying things that they think will help because they see me emotionally distraught … they are tired of hearing me cry out for help for support from them, just to be able to listen, so I can get it all off my chest, and from the entire medical profession for help for mental illness. They say things from a place of not understanding what is truly going on even as I try to explain it over and over again … until you experience it and see it first hand, most people would not even believe the insanitythat ensues when my brother goes off his meds …

 

I feel very alone at times … I am sure you will be tempted to offer some sort of “advice” for me … please don’t … what I need is love, support and encouragement … not you telling me what you think I should do and how to do it based on this short blurb of 35 years worth of insanity … 

 

In other words, do not throw any more bricks at me today … I would love words of encouragement and prayers please … 

 

I have found a new strength in this last bout of crazy … One that recognizes people do not understand … but I understand what we’ve been through… I do not need anyone else’s opinion of how I’m doing… I know I’m doing amazing, even right smack dab in the middle of this episode … I’m getting better at being at peace in the middle of the storm due to my reliance on God … I am surrendered to God and I am taking each day one day at a time and see what it brings … I just have to keep showing up … He Will lead me to where we need to be … 

 

I’ll keep you updated …

 

Love you