Daily Insanity April 5, 2022

My birthday is April Fools’ Day … this may help you understand part of why I am fluent in crazy …

 

Every year, forever, my family (now down to my one mentally ill brother who wants to do this) wants to do a cake at home… That sounds nice right? It is sweet… But sometimes I just want to have the dessert at the restaurant… And not have to do this tradition… Every… Single… Time… !!

 

I am learning that I get to do what I want… Not what is expected of me … or what we’ve always done just because we’ve always done it …

 

That’s what he wants to do… That is not what I want to do…

 

Many people would argue I should do it because he’s mentally ill and give in to that factor (Ok Mom!)… I call bullshit! (I honestly don’t think I have ever used this emoji before… not my favorite … but there’s a time and place for everything

 

It’s my birthday and I get to do what I want… I have always given into what other people want, to please everyone else … I get to have a voice too … and I want to have dessert at the restaurant this year …

 

My brother didn’t get the memo and ordered a cake anyway because that’s what he wanted to do …

 

He was embarrassed and didn’t know how to handle it when he found out I didn’t want to do that … I told him it was OK and that it was very loving, thoughtful and sweet of him to order the cake… And that we could put it in the freezer and have it at our next family night …

 

I almost gave in for a moment… But decided to stand my ground … I have found that you have to overcome the uncomfortable to create a new habit…

 

The Family went out to dinner and we ordered four different desserts at the restaurant… It was wonderful! 

 

My brother called me today and made a confession … he told me he didn’t want to put the cake in the freezer … That it wouldn’t be good after that… (he’s not wrong) so he had eaten most of it … but there was one piece left and he wanted me to have it …

 

He also said that he had ordered a vanilla cake, which is my favorite, but instead they had given him a chocolate one, which is his favorite… hmmmm.. also, he had ordered a round cake… But they gave him a rectangular one … interesting ...

 

I thought the whole thing was so adorable

 

I went down to his place and we shared the last big piece of cake together… And it was perfect

 

I’m so grateful that I have come so far … that I didn’t have to be upset that he didn’t do what I had wanted to do with it all… but just went with the flow… He is doing the best he can… I didn’t used to see that… I used to feel like he wasn’t paying attention to what I wanted… My dad didn’t either… But now I can see they are so far inside their own head, it’s not that they don’t try to give me what I want… It’s just that somehow, they can’t get beyond their own wants and needs that were never/seldom met … they are so in their own world that they know what they like and so they think everybody else likes that or should like it …

 

My mom would always blow up if we didn’t do it just how she wanted… I inherited that from her for quite some time… I’ve been working really hard on letting go of that… Tonight I feel like I successfully did it differently… And it felt so good

 

I’m so proud, I’ve come so far, not to get upset… We had a wonderful evening eating cake

 

Beautiful … Thank you Jesus, for showing me how to do it differently with your love