Daily Insanity February 18, 2022

Boston, MA

 

Went to the lobby downstairs to grab a cup of coffee… They had fresh, hot croissants … how can you say no to that?! I had not had any coffee yet which is why I was looking for coffee ... The first question in my face (before coffee) is ... "do you have a mask?"

 

We just flew in last night and we’re told that we don’t need a mask as long as we’re vaccinated… So I wasn’t thinking to wear one even though I had one in my purse

 

My first reaction is anger… ‘Good morning to you too’ I was thinking… Why are people not kind about asking to put a mask on? I’ve never figured that out, they just jump out at you, scream at you to put a mask on … this girl didn’t scream at me, but it felt like it because I hadn’t had coffee yet and it was my first interaction of the day with somebody ...

 

I come from a long line of pissed off people… To break that habit has been a very difficult one… I go to offense right away … I get that from my mom… She always was pissed at people she interacted with … I was always embarrassed by that, and yet I picked it up because I saw that behavior being modeled every day of my young life and then regularly up until 50 years old …

 

It’s been a hard habit for me to break… but one worth breaking …

 

My whole perspective changes when I realize I don’t have to take offense… I don’t have to snap back… Which I mildly did this morning… Not nearly what I normally could’ve dished out and leave all offended and pissed off … just modeling what I saw from dear ol’ mom … it feels better to do it differently ... 

 

Truth is, after I had the croissant I was happier because it was so darn good! I was able to tell her it was amazing and we both wished each other to have a great day… Now that feels a lot better than leaving ‘ justifiably’ pissed as I have done countless times before… Mumbling to myself how stupid people are, and if they just were nice, and if they just did things ‘right’ (my way) … The world would be a better place…

 

The fact is… The world isn’t such a bad place when we bring happy into it instead of a sourpuss face and attitude …

 

It’s hard for me to follow other people‘s directions because I was ordered around my whole young life (and actually most of my adult life by my overbearing mother) … I wanna do what I wanna do without people telling me what to do every second… that drives me crazy … A bad kind of crazy

 

But there must be a happy medium somewhere … somewhere where we can agree to co-exist without ordering each other around or making people do things they don’t want to do, but being kind if we have a request … not just barking out a command (which quite honestly, I have been known to do as well)

 

Still learning how to get along in this world… Still trying to be a good member of society and leave people happier than they were when I met them… Or at least pass a smile onto them that they might be able to use … that’s who I want to be …

 

One day at a time, tweaking my bad behavior, I will get there… I am sure of it ...

 

Ps. Shortly after I wrote this we were walking down the streets of downtown Boston and a man commented on my beautiful smile… Now that felt a lot better … that felt like a good kind of crazy ...